I’m sorry, Secretary Kerry. You impress me just about a fly’s butt hair more than Barry – but only because you don’t appear as condescending in your manner of speech. (I can’t believe I actually said that.) This awful situation in Syria should have been acted upon months and months ago.
Did the people who accused President Bush of lying about the existence of WMDs in Iraq ever wonder how thousands of Kurds (and other “undesirable” citizens) ended up buried in mass graves without a bullet hole, knife wound, etc., in one of them? What – they died from a Febreze™ overdose? Wouldn’t you agree that these people suffered “inconceivable horror” at the hands of Saddam Hussein just as the citizens of Syria are today? What a damned hypocrite you are. Did anyone in the UN (or US for that matter) take the time to follow the trail and see WHERE the weapons ended up when they were smuggled out of Iraq under cover of darkness – or however they secreted them – before the UN Inspectors were able to locate them? Uhm, Ketchup Man, I think we found them.
Your buddy, Barry, can play his little Executive Order game when there is an immediate threat to the United States. You know, like big planes flying into the WTC, Pentagon and Shanksville and killing nearly 3,000 people. President Bush filed an Executive Order to invade Iraq and in October 2002 he consulted Congress so they could vote on a more formal document authorizing military action against Iraq. What immediate threat is there against the US?
Barry, you have waited so long that this has become a much more complicated issue that poses threats to some of our allies overseas. Put the red Sharpie™ down and back away from your kids’ art table. We are kind of stuck out in the Gulf with our thumbs up our asses because Assad has certainly been playing the Sarin Shuffle like a mad man. Where is the bow of the ship you are going to fire across today? Oh, and by the way, thank you so much for clarifying to this fucknut that there aren’t actually going to be missile strikes. Did you send him a note with little roses imprinted on it that reads “Dear Bashir, If a big shiny metal thing comes flying over your house, it is just us trying to look like we have balls. Have a nice day and we apologize in advance for any stress cracks our phony show of force may create in any of your buildings. Sincerely, Barry”
It might be a good idea to investigate why Russia and China walked out of the meeting at the UN. ( http://www.latimes.com/world/worldnow/la-fg-wn-russia-syria-warships-deployed-20130829,0,3436636.story ) Putin hates your guts, he’s KGB (you say ex, I call bullshit) and my personal opinion is that he has been working with Iran on something for a very long time. China nearly owns us financially. Do we sincerely need to piss them off? Both have nukes. If Bush were President I would have 100% faith that he could organize the right people to deal with all of the intricacies of this issue. I get the sense that you probably have trouble figuring out your TV remote.
Oh, just a little piece of advice for ya – if one of our oldest, most loyal allies says “Fuck YOU! You’re on your own on this one”, you may want to really, really take a moment and ask yourself why…
Just for S&G, I am going to repost something I wrote when you told the world our troops would be pulling out of Afghanistan. Sort of like telling Assad you aren’t really going to hit anything, you know? You need to read this. It’s a real killer – literally…
After last night’s address to the nation concerning his Afghan Strategy, the Anointed One received many notes of thanks from around the globe:
Dear President Obama,
Thank you so much for the information concerning your projected date of withdrawal from Afghanistan.
Your advice is of great import to us as it will save our Brothers much time and effort. We can now concentrate on training our troops, stockpiling weapons and recruitment for a future takeover of Afghanistan.
In the meantime, we will continue to rest in Pakistan. This is sorely needed as we have been fighting for many years and our bones are weary.
In closing, we have one favor to ask you. Do you think you might find it in your heart to send us a Wii? The nights are long and television sucks here.
With great respect and appreciation,
THE TALIBAN
Here’s one from an unnamed Afghani National Guardsman:
Mr. President,
Thank you sooo much for letting us know in advance that we are SCREWED. Your half-assed commitment to our cause is truly heartwarming.
Last night 200 recruits fled into the night. I believe I heard them say they were going to Pakistan to play Wii with the Taliban. I have no idea what this means, but it doesn’t sound good.
Anonymous in Afghanistan
Then there was this one from our European Allies:
Barack,
Are you f***ing serious!?!?
Good Lord, man, do you really expect us to commit more troops to Afghanistan when you have given up before you even start? Why should anyone back your play when you are clearly not interested in victory?
We will have to think long and hard about putting more young men and women in harm’s way for a cause that even the United States of America does not believe in. You will be hearing from us in, oh, ninety days or so…
And, finally:
Mr. President, Sir:
I am writing to express my deep appreciation for your commitment to our Armed Forces. My fellow Marines and I were able to watch your speech on Fox this morning.
We especially enjoyed the part when you said we will be getting some relief by 2010. I never realized what a funny guy you are. Maybe you can invite my family over for a beer after my funeral.
A United States Marine
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